Parent Coaches

The last couple of months, I have been thinking a lot about youth soccer coaches who also happen to coach their own children.

For the record, I have never coached one of my own children, as my only child is just shy of six months old. The closest I have come to being a parent coach is when I coached my younger brother, who is three years younger than me, from when he was sixteen until he was nineteen. This, by the way, was my first real coaching experience.

Among topics of nepotism and favoritism, I am really just curious about the thought process parent-coaches go through that results in a decision to coach their own child in addition to a dozen or so of his or her athletic peers. What is the driving reason that coerces people to undertake what could become a very controversial position within the athletic development of their own child?

In my experience, there are a couple of types of parent coaches that exist within youth soccer.

First, the volunteer parent-coach. This is a person who is perhaps stepping in to coach because "if you don't, no one will". Stereo-typically, this is a person who might not have had much exposure, if any, to the game of soccer, and probably played a more typical American sport, such as football or basketball. Development at the hands of this person, if not properly educated, might not move forward or may even serve to teach bad habits that cannot be undone after a certain age.

Second, the over-exuberant, yet under-qualified parent-coach. This person is equally as uneducated as the first example, but in seeing their child develop an early enjoyment of soccer, bordering on love-for-the-game, has decided that they will ensure their child's future success in the game by becoming the person who is, in theory, in most control of making that happen. This person may also sacrifice proper development for immediate success.

Finally, the former-high-level-player, parent-coach. This coach played at a decent level, perhaps in somewhere in college or lower level adult soccer, but never really reached the standard that he or she truly desired. This person's involvement in coaching is motivated by the desire to see their child reach the same or higher levels of play that they themselves did as a youth - in short, a vicarious undertaking that ultimately serves only themselves. While knowledgeable, this person could also force their own child from the game with unreasonably high standards.

Are these the only types of parent-coaches? No, not by a long-shot. But these are three examples that I have come across in my experience as a coach, whether by coaching with them/or against, witnessing them from afar, or hearing about them from other colleagues.

Conversely, I have seen examples of parents who have or still do coach, choosing simply to be spectators at their child's activities. One of my coaching mentors specifically told me on several occasions that he "would never coach his own child", instead choosing to leave the responsibility of his son's development to those that he trusted, while simultaneously taking a back seat to that process.

As a new father myself, I find myself wondering what my stance would be when, or if, it comes time for my daughter to enter the world of youth soccer. I am adamant now that I would like to take the role of the supportive parent, who lets the coaches coach and encourages her to develop her own love or enjoyment for whatever activities present themselves.

However, I am also worried about leaving her development in the hands of others, as for every good coach I come across, I also see many other bad ones. I worry that when the day comes, I might not be able to take a passive role. But, as I have seen in other examples, I am equally worried about being too involved, to the point that I could sap the enjoyment out of the process.

Fortunately, I have a lot of time to consider my role. And who knows, maybe my daughter won't even like soccer!

I am interested to hear feedback, if any, regarding why one might decide to take such a pivotal role at the expense of an exclusively singular relationship with one's child. I also hope to have future material on this blog from parent-coach colleagues, detailing their thoughts and experiences with coaching their own child, or taking the spectator role instead.